The best way to fall, is in love with me ;)

Rain rain. haha

Wheee! I got what I wanted today. hahaha! Hmmm. haha. What isit? For me to know and for you to find out. Wahaha! I'm so evil.

So today I got back my malay test results. Guess what. I hate the comprehension la. I just keep failing. Although I've tried my best, my results are still poor. The comprehension always pull my marks down. But nvm. I got 60% for CA1 for malay. It's bad! Nvr got a B4 for malay in my secondary school life before. But I think that it is a good start to this year. The marks I get will make me want to improve more and more.

There's POA and SS test tmr. Trying to pass that POA test. Definitely will fail SS. haha. I just cant be bothered about my combined humans. Always fail. Sigh. I'm still trying my best. And I will try again. At least a C6 will do. I hope I get it for O levels.

Yue Wen made me more jealous. He had some kind of bet with his sister I think. He says if he gets 11 or lesser points for his O levels, he will get $600. And I see him working very hard nowadays. He has become very hardworking ever since last week. I am surprised that he knows almost everything on what all the teachers have thought for the past 8 weeks which is since school reopened. I think he's gonna do very well. He is my target. My target is to challenge him. I will always compare results with him now. I am going to see where I stand from now on. It's going into March now. This has to be the time where I start studying.

And it's raining again! Non stop. haha. Stayed back in school for so long. Until around 5 40. I went home with Azzah. When the rain stopped at 5+ I didnt go back with the rest. I stayed a while longer and accompanied Xue Peng. Hahah.

Now it's still raining. And I gotta go study SS. I still have chem homework to complete. Off I go! Cyah!

Head hurts!

I find myself lonely once again. I have nobody to turn to now. It's just life. It took a day to realise I'm gonna be lonely for many months.

Hidayat's working now. Rarely text msged him. I don't know how he's doing.

Well today, I simply went out after school with my friends. Went to play bowling. I didnt play but only watched just to waste time. Then there was this moment when Jac was scolding vulgarities to herself. haha! Nobody was listening. I laughed and laughed. AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW, my head accidently got hit by maxim's bowling ball! Omg! It hurts. Badly. Size 13. Heavy. I got a bump on my head now. I also dun feel like myself. My head and my mind is in a total mess. My memories are mixed up. I cant think properly. I just hope that nothing bad happens. It's my HEAD! If anything was to happen now, I wonder what would it be. Loss of memory? I hope that doesnt happen. Fractured skull? Oh god! No way! Or is it just a normal hit an I will recover in no time? I have no idea.

I'm going to take a rest now. I have a very bad headache. And I mean a very bad one. The whole head hurts! I wanna sleep and see what happens when I wake up. Pray that nothing happens to me guys! I really hope nothing happens.

trust?

Haiz.. I wonder ..

Still wondering ..

Stress is piling up inside my head. I just cant seem to get them out of my head. I thought by not doing anything and just relaxing myself and avoiding all those stuff just gives me more stress.

Just now I was about to write another song. Suddenly my cousin conversation box appeared. I really hate chatting with him. SERIOUSLY! HATE IT. He likes to change topics. He tells me about a particular thing. Than he said he dun wanna tell me the reason why he said all those cause he is afraid that I spread them around. Wah seh! He cant trust me? After all we're cousins. Why cant my close relatives trust me? It's affecting me mentally. My mind just says "oh u cant be trusted". It really hurts deep down.

I remembered about my elder bro that day too. He also said telling me all this stories will just end up everyone knowing it. WTF? He as an elder brother cant even trust me? How sad to hear that.

Oh god! Why was I born into this world if I cannot be trusted? I am very lucky to have one or two frens who can be trusted. I sincerely appreciate them. But I dun appreciate what my siblings and relatives think of me.

I cant believe everything that has been going on for almost 2 months. Frm now on, I am nvr gonna talk or see any of my relatives. Not even my close aunt. I dun wanna see their faces anymore. I dun even wan to talk to my elder bro if I can. And Djah is not going to talk to me for a few months. So all my problems will be kept inside me. Some will be shared with my mom. But she just dont understand some of it. I hate my life. I cant believe I was born to be made fun off at the start, bullied, then couldnt be trusted.

All those promises I kept, all those things that were not supposed to be told and I didnt, has brought me here. A person who cannot be trusted??

Just FUCK OFF my sight!

I want peace please!

Hidayat has a point. Maybe I'm too stress. I'm trying to relax myself every single day. I don't know where the pressure is coming from. Definitely not from him. He makes me smile in front of my computer everyday. Thanks dok!

Maybe it's this girl from sec 1. She keeps disturbing me whenever I am online on MSN. Sometimes I feel like blocking her. But I tell myself not to. What kind of a person am I if I do that? Surely it doesnt make me a better person. At times when I couldn't take any of her nonsense anymore, I really blocked her. But only for one night. She even introduces me to many of her frens! I cant be bothered! Why me?

Another reason could be because I have just to many things to cope with this year. Too stressed out with homeworks and tests. My dnt folio is one of them. Sometimes when I haven completed my tasks, the stress just adds on. Luckily I'm done with it .. For now. Sigh.

It could even be Djah calling me everyday. I told her not to do that everyday. But she kept calling me every single day. Sometimes I'm just lazy to pick it up cause I know its her. What's there to talk about? Finally, today, she hasnt called. At least it's a little peaceful. But sometimes when I dun talk to her, I feel bored, lonely perhaps.

Haiz. Whatever it is, life has to go on.

Idiots, I wanna sleep!

Ok! I'm blogging again. I think I'm blogging too much these days. I think too much thoughts stuck inside my head that I need to let go.

Well, since last monday, I haven had enough sleep. Slept late on monday and tuesday. When I went to school on wednesday I felt very tired. Couldn't concentrate. And I nvr slept the whole wednesday night cause I waited for Barcelona Vs Liverpool game. That made it worse. I cant even read anything on the whiteboard the very next day for the first 2 periods of the day. Hahah! Had to ask maxim to keep saying "hello"to me because I will only gain full conciousness when someone talks to me.

I forgot that there was a Maths test on friday. So on wednesday, I reached home and....... Yeap. You've guessed it! I took a long nap only to be woken up by my younger bro. He just doesnt respect ppl sleeping. When he sleeps, he wants people to keep quiet. But whenever I sleep, he sure makes a lot of noise. He shouts, switch on his handphone mp3 and play the songs, played songs through windows media player and turns on the speaker until it's loud, watched power rangers on youtube and turning on the volume almost to the maximum and many more la!

Sometimes I just feel like waking up and shouting at him. I did it before last time. I think when I shouted the whole row of storey 11 can hear me. Maybe my neighbour upstairs and downstairs might hear me too. **** off la. I'm so tired of telling him to stop all these.

Yesterday I slept at 2 30 am but only to find out that I woke up early this morning. Sigh. When am I gonna get enough sleep? can someone not disturb me for once? can people not msg me? can ppl not call me? and can people not disturb me whenever I'm sleeping. Just give me peace!

Off I go, to sleep. AND DUN DISTURB ME THESE COMING WEEK. I AM NVR GONNA PICK UP ANY CALLS, NVR GONNA REPLY ANY SMS's AND NEVER GONNA ENTERTAIN STUPID PEOPLE ON MSN. But I will be available through my blog and friendster. I mean what I say. No point trying. Try if u want. I'm proving that I mean it this time.

Liverpool BEAT barca!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!

Barcelona 1-2 Liverpool

Liverpool beat Barcelona at Nou Camp 2-1! Yeah! At least I feel good for not sleeping the whole of last nite!

Now I cant wait for the second leg at Anfield on March 7. Liverpool just need a draw. As for Barcelona, whatever it is, the DEFINITELY have to score 2 goals at Anfield to stay in the competition. If they don't, Liverpool will definitely go through which most of us already said so. Hahah! It will be a damn miracle if Barcelona score 3 goals at Anfield. But it is still possible. They are a good team and they showed Liverpool that. Only the mistakes of the goalkeeper and the backline let liverpool score 2 goals. In fact it is 2 precious away goals.

In the return leg, Liverpool have to score first and Barcelona will have problems if that surfaces. A good lead to take back to Anfield but I'm sure the game at Anfield will be much more exciting than the one played early this morning.

Barcelona Vs Liverpool

BARCELONA VS LIVERPOOL ; NOU CAMP

Woo hoo! Cant wait for Barcelona VS Liverpool! This is the first time I'm gonna watch a full 90 mins of Liverpool facing off against Barca as a Liverpool fan. The last time I watched Liverpool against Barcelona, I only watched the last few mins of the match where Liverpool lost at Anfield 1-3 and I only watched the players walking into the tunnel after a full time 0-0 draw at the Nou Camp almost 4-5 years back. haha!

Ok! The 4 days break was just too short! It passed by so fast! Omg. I think I need more rest. I lack sleep on the day before school starts again. Now I'm having a bad sore throat. Getting flu soon too. I just hate being sick la. It sucks. It dampens my mood for the day.

Last Friday, Akasha told me a joke titled " When George Bush meets Lee Kuan Yew ". Hahaha! It was funny. It is a joke which u must tell face 2 face. haha. So if u all wanna noe come ask me bout it. haha!

So yea! Thats all I have to say for now. hahaha! There's nothing else in my head. The only thing that's in my head now is BARCELONA VS LIVERPOOL. wahahaha! Cant wait. I have a feeling it's gonna be a 1-1 draw. Ronaldinho is gonna score a damn bloody free kick I guess. My feelings usually nvr come true except for once or twice. So yarr! Lets wait and see what the outcome of the match is.

Boring Holiday!

Sigh. For once I thought it was gonna be a good holiday these few days. But it's not to be since I found out that Hidayat is going to Malaysia with his family till Tuesday, so is Akasha with his family. Both going to different parts of Malaysia.

It's gonna be very boring la. No band members to jam with. Haiz. Ahhhh! Hahaha! BORING LA.

3 homeworks this weekend. Physics and 2 malay hwks. lalala. Gonna do it maybe tmr. Cause the earlier I do it the more bored I will be. I wanna go out with my friends! But I dunno who to go out with.

There's also NO Liverpool match tonite cause they're not in the FA Cup anymore. I wonder what things I can do to occupy my time these 4 days. Sigh. Playing the guitar alone wont help la. It will be crazy if I play the guitar 24/7 all these 4 days. haha!

Now H.Boys currently writing our 4th song. But without them in Singapore, hw the hell can we finish it? haha!

Yesterday was also the last day of pasar malam at Tpy. I bought a Liverpool mouse pad. haha! Wanted to buy the clock but no money at that time.

Ok so now I shall ROT at home for 4 days.

DJAH! I almost forgot about u. wahahaha. Call me someday. I'm bored!

Integrity. Cheat.

Sigh! Why must this happen? I regretted what I have done yesterday during CME period.

CHEAT! INTEGRITY! The two words involving the incident yesterday. In the first place, WHY did I look at the science common test paper? The science common test paper was leaked. Someone frm 4e2 gave it to one of my classmates. Many of us found out and gathered around a table. Yes, I agree that I look at it but I didnt noe what the questions were. I seriously did not read the questions. Is that counted as cheating? Whatever it is, I looked at the paper and the teachers said by looking at the paper is already cheating. Now during the meet parents session coming up at the end of this term, my form teachers is going to tell my parents that I have cheated. I didnt noe that by just looking at the paper can get me into such a serious situation.

Now all the teachers in the school including the principal knows about it. It's a shame for 4e3. We as a class has got ourselves into the hall of shame of the school. We as a class have no sense of integrity. If only we can turn back into time, we would not do this kind of thing ever again!

Now I have to explain to my parents before they get shocked during the meet parents session. I also have to write a letter of reflection about this mistake and a letter of apology to Mrs Er. I seriously regretted looking at the paper. This thing is affecting me physically and mentally. I'm totally not myself today. I've been thinking about this matter since the first period. Let this be a lesson for me as well as for the rest of my classmates. I know that every human makes a mistake. But for me, this is the biggest mistake I have done. Let the word "integrity" always be in my mind at all times and let the word "cheat" be put aside as I nvr want to hear it again.

I was born with values in me. But integrity, I think it's just starting to build more inside me.

Bad to worse?

Sigh. Things got frm bad to worse yesterday!

Firstly, in the morning, my class had to attend chemistry extra lessons which is simply just a waste of time. I shouldnt have attended. Quite a number didnt show up. Had to go through answers of the homeworks Mrs Er gave the other day. It was boring.

After the lesson my friends and I went to McNair. They played bowling and pool. I just sit down there and watched. We stayed there for 2 hrs until 12 pm. Than we went for lunch. Some wanted to go to Plaza Singapura but I wanted to go to Toa Payoh. Maxim and Yue Wen followed me. The rest went to PS. Maxim, Yue Wen and me went to KFC as soon as we reached. Luckily we reach early. There were not many ppl yet.

We left KFC at about 1+ and went to the pasar malam. Maxim bought a new bag which cost $25. Yue Wen bought a bag too but Maxim's bag looks much more nicer. I like it la. In fact I love it. haha. After that we made our way to Thomson Plaza to start our Flag Day donation thingie. I hate flag days! HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!

I went to Bishan but there were simply not many who wanted to donate and there were many other students there already. So I told some of my frens to follow me to Toa Payoh, AGAIN! haha. Got quite a number who donated to me there. haha! Kevin and Joshua met us at 4 30 around the courts area. And that was the place that many ppl donated. haha.

So we made our way back to Thomson Plaza at 5 30. Gave back our tins and stickers and then I went home. Guang Hann and Thivyendran went home too as the rest went out to slack!

I reached home, took a shower and the next thing I knew, I was asleep. Hahah. Woke up at 9+ because of Djah. She called me.

At 11pm, as usual, it was time for Liverpool. It's Newcastle against Liverpool last nite. Liverpool scored first! When they score first usually they win. The last time they lost when they scored first was many many years ago until some stupid stuff happened at St James Park yesterday!! Although Liverpool lead, Newcastle came back strong and hit 2 goals. Liverpool lost 1-2. Another away day defeat. Liverpool's confidence is now dampened. I dunno how they're gonna face Barcelona with their confidence running low and Barcelona is the next game for Liverpool on 21st Feb! I just hope they win.

I was in no mood when Liverpool were losing. And my handphone was ringing and I feel like picking up the phone and scolding that person. FUCK OFF! I like no distractions when I am watching Liverpool matches! Even if my mother talks to me I would ignore. Even the slightest sound of the clock would disturb me.

I didnt even care about my brother after that and straight away go to sleep.

In that sleep, I had a dream. Was it bad? Was it good? I have no idea. I dreamt of her, again. In this dream, she was planning to go overseas and leave this country for good. I was told by one of my frens that she was going and never coming back. I got so scared and so sad cause of some reasons. It was after school that day, the last day in school for her when she was going off already. I hid somewhere, looked at her for one last time, looked at her until my heart couldnt take the pain that she was leaving and telling myself. Will I ever see her again?

Than I woke up and realised it was just a dream. Thank goodness! I felt so relieved! The dreams I had about you is telling me something. I know what it is. But I'm gonna keep it to myself. Cause this is what I have to do on my own.

Wow! Amazing

I'm so free today. hahaha!

I went to velocity just now! That place was quite ok la. Better than Vivo City. hahahah! Went to explore the shops. I saw many valentines day thingies! Beautiful la. I want to buy them. Hahaha. But the question is for who? hehe. I want to give something to someone!! Hahaha.

So went to LJS at Novena and ate there with a bunch of crazy frenz. hahaha! There was one guy there. He kept looking at me. And laughing too. Sial la. I dunno what he was talking about me to his gf la. Bloody hell. If only I knew. haha!

I'm crazy today! Wahahaha. Too free. Nvr since January I had nothing to be done at home. lalalala.

Tmr's tchoukball! Cant wait too exercise. hahaha! Looks fun. Maybe it is. haha! Cant wait la. Maxim and YueWen also told me that they saw a $6 fake billabong t shirt at tpy pasar malam. hahah. My frens and I decided to buy them tmr. If we have time after tchoukball that is. haha!

Miss Peh also showed the our class photo for last yr. How come I look so nerdy? Haahah. It is so unlike me. Damn! haha. I still haven cut my hair. I'm sorry Miss Peh but I just cant find the time to go to the barber. I cant even go to the barber this saturday!

Morning at 8 am must go back to school for Chem lessons. Mrs Er la. She still bothers teaching. Just retire la. All of us dun understand a single word you're saying! And dont tell me u gonna hold the whole class until 10-11pm!!!! We NEED rest until 2pm! We still have the flag day thingie. 2-6pm. Sigh. WTF la. Seems like its gonna be a busy saturday. Miss peh told our class to avoid going to Orchard cause there are too many schools there already. haha. I went YAY! I hate orchard! So we'll start at thomson plaza. hmm. Where shall I go next? Still thinking though. hahaha.

Whatever it is, I got to cut my hair by next Monday. I also got to study science chapters for the test on next Wednesday this weekend cause there will be not much time to study next week. I got to finish Design Situations before Chinese New Year too. And a bloody expenses POA project.

Stopping here for today. Gotta rush for religious classes. Cyah!

Only god knows

Today is my niece's birthday! Happy Birthday Dhamirah Zahra.! She came here just now with my brother. My sis in law working. Haziq is here too. That naughty lil boy. Ever since he stayed with his grandmother on his father's side, he became more stubborn after my mom takes care of him again since she returned frm Saudi.

It's almost time to start studying for O levels. Well I think it's a little too late to start. I have to somehow. Brought home chem and physics books today. Also had maths retest to refresh my memory of what Travel Graphs is about. Gonna start soon. Very soon indeed. hahaha. Whatever it is, actions does more than words. =)

Stress is beginning to pile up inside me. Tests are upcoming again soon. I have to pass all this time round. My first tests results were all disappointing. It has woken me up but not yet woke me up fully. I can do all my assignments and homeworks with all my heart and soul but the problem with me is, I lack my mother's nagging! Ever since I started schooling in P1, she always scolds me and beats me until I get the answers right. I kinda miss all those things. She no longer nags. Even I failed, she seemed to take it easily nowadays rather than last time. The more she doesnt nag the more my results flop. haha. Kinda weird. But I miss my younger days. I need those younger days!

Another problem with me is that I need someone to tell me to study hard. Someone's words that can touch my heart and soul for me to put all my effort. I remembered someone who told me to study last yr. I really did study. I almost passed with flying colours for a few test. Somehow, it seemed to fade away although I cant forget the incident. haha. Weird again. haha.

I'm still trying to get over stuffs. Maybe I cant get over some of them. Liverpool is one of them. hahahaha. I just have to watch the matches la!

Something stroke my mind during my physics lesson. It was a terrible thing I was thinking of. I hope it doesnt happen but I'm afraid it already had. One word. Trust. It all depends on this word. I asked myself. What if it really happens? If it happens, will it worsen the condition? Will it be the end? Will I be hated? Will I be mad at? Sigh. Only god knows. Whatever it is, I dun wanna know the outcome. I just hate myself. Hate myself for being this way. Hate myself for who I am but there's a reason why I was born into this world.

If promises are meant to be broken, does it mean secrets are meant to be leaked? If that's the case, trust no longer lies in anyone.

I feel that whatever I did last time, it happens to me in return. For example I promised that I wont tell anyone something. I broke the promise. And now I feel that it happened back to me. I am 80% sure. Sigh. Whatever la. I hate my friends sometimes too. You can nvr trust anyone other than your family members and that's for sure. Not even your closest fren can help u sometimes. Someday, it'll be proven true.

Hafiz Gonzalez sidelined. hehe

The time now is 12 21 am. And I'm blogging. Can you imagine? I slept frm 6pm? I just woke up. Sigh. Now I must find a way to go back to sleep.

It's been a tough week in school for this past week. I had to stop talking about "her". It's just the only way to get out of this kind of situation. I dun wan her to get the wrong impression of me. I told my friends too but they still keep talking. I hate it. I say don't means I really meant it. Shut up guys.

I also got my back tests results. It was bad. Terrible. I know I am not performing yet. I know I've not been myself. What's got into me? Am I too stressed? Or am I just too lazy to take out my book to study? Even if I did study a little, usually I dun get that kind of results. Mrs Suneeths said you have to embarrass yourself to improve. I think I am already. I dun wanna fail anymore. I'm jealous to see my friends get better results than me. It's already February. It's soon before I really start pushing myself to study for O levels. ERP's are coming up in mid- February. The time I have at home will be very little by then. I guess I have to plan a timetable. As for my religious classes, I can only attend probably once a week. I dun think I have much time. The schedule is just so tight and packed.

I still have to attend CCA's though. I hate it cause its on Friday but I like it too cause playing soccer is my hobby. I just injured my right knee ligament just now. It was 50-50. I was going for the ball and my opponent was rushing for it too. Unfortunately he got it first by a split second and I whacked the ball. He still got it in the end leaving me on the ground. The next thing I knew, I could only limp off. I couldnt walk properly. Luckily the opponent's team scored and my team were knocked out. I was relief to get a rest. I hate it when I injure my right knee. Actually the truth is, I cannot play any rough games and I cannot exercise too much. There's a dislocated bone in that knee. I got it in Primary 6 when one of my frens trip me and made me fall on hard ground. My knee hit the ground first. Since then, I haven recovered fully. I was nvr going to. Only through operation will make it better. Now what I wanna noe is whether I can or cant shoot. What could have been worser was to BREAK my leg just now. That didnt happen. Phew. I didnt wan to continue with playing after that. I noe that if there's another challenge concerning my right leg, I would have suffered what Michael Owen is suffering frm right now. That is scary!

Now, I'm trying to put aside all the things that's in my head. I have put aside some things. For example, stop playing the PS2. I'm trying to stop using the computer everyday. I'm using it lesser and lesser as the days goes by. As for Liverpool, I can skip watching the early morning matches at 3 am. I have to overcome one more thing. You. For the past few days, even a 20 min nap, I dream of you. And its everyday since that day. I hate it. Cause everytime I do, I miss you. AND it's only going into Saturday! Sigh. Whatever it is, I'll try.

Peace! & Love! =D